Nita J
- Nov 16, 2022

EP. 3: REMINDER - "I'M THAT CHICK" (FINDING MY WAY BACK TO ME) / SHOW NOTES

Updated: Mar 23

Lately, I’ve been putting in the effort to get back to a time where I felt like I was THAT CHICK. It’s been a struggle but I wanted to share what’s been helping me to do it.

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT (unedited. what you hear is what you get.)

Hey, y'all. Welcome back to the show. It is your girl, Nita. It's been a minute. I apologize. I feel like I apologize for every episode because I take so many breaks. I'm sorry, y'all. I'm just getting over the flu, and I wanted to make sure my voice was good to go before I came. I will say I do still have a little bit of a cough, so if you hear that, I apologize in advance. Hopefully I'm able to get through this episode, which should be a really good one. And something I really wanted to talk about for the last couple of weeks, some things that I have been thinking about, and I posted about this on instagram and on my Facebook, and I got some pretty good feedback on this topic, so hopefully it's something that you guys can resonate with.

So this is what I've been thinking, right? I kind of feel like I forgot who I was. I forgot that feeling of feeling like, yo, I'm that chick. I don't know how it happened or when it started, but I had started to notice that I wasn't having that feeling anymore. And I wonder if you've ever felt that way, where you just didn't have the confidence that you once had or you just gave up on some of the things that you used to do that made you feel amazing on the inside, and it just lets your soul on fire. You just stopped doing it for whatever reason or maybe just life got in the way and you just haven't been doing the things that you used to do that you used to enjoy. I don't know. Whatever the case may be, I found myself in that spot and I found myself in that spot for a really long time, to the point where I didn't really realize it until fairly recently. So you know how you look in the mirror? You're getting dressed for the day, you look in the mirror and you're just like, yo, yo, I'm feeling myself. Like, I feel good. I look good. Like, yeah, let me go take on the world, right?

So I found myself having that feeling less and less and less, and there was a little bit of a sadness behind it. And again, I was just moving through life and handling my business and being a mom and working, and honestly, I just I don't know. I just didn't really realize it until it became a problem. So I wanted to share something that I worked through with my therapist. I'm not going to tell you all my business, but I'm going to share something that was really helpful and shout out to my therapist. I honestly doubt she's going to listen to this podcast, but if you're listening, shout out to you. My therapist has completely changed my life, and she reads me for filth from time to time, but honestly, she's very, very helpful, and I appreciate everything she does.

But one of the things we were talking about in one of my sessions this year, I was discussing with her, like, hey, I'm dealing with a lot of sadness and my confidence is like, on the floor, low self-esteem, all that or whatever. And she asked me, she was like, when was the last time? Or can you think about a time in your life when you were just completely happy, you were content with things? You might not have been in the best situation or you might not have been where you wanted to be, but you were happy at that moment. And I instantly thought about it and went back to a time where I was just happy and I was enjoying life and just doing the small things that I used to enjoy in my day to day life. And I thought about that, and she was like, listen, those small things that you used to do throughout your life or throughout your day as you move through life, like, those things add up and they make a difference and they make you feel good about yourself. You should really get back to those things, whatever they may be, right? So I was like, you know what, I'm going to think about that.

So a couple months past, I did not take my therapist advice, and that's my fault. But I thought about it recently and I was like, there was so many things that I used to do during that time that just made me feel amazing, and they contributed directly to how I felt about myself and my confidence, right? So I thought about I made like a little list and I was like, what did I used to do? Like, on a weekly basis that just used to make me feel amazing?

So, for one, I used to be in the gym heavy. Like heavy. And I didn't go to the gym. My goal wasn't to lose weight or to look a certain way. That wasn't my goal. Going to the gym was like my it was therapy for me, honestly. It was therapy before I started going to therapy. And I went there to clear my head. It was a great reset. I got a lot of my ideas while I was in the gym. It was a time for me to just reset and just think about things and just get away. It was like a little escape for me. And as a byproduct, of course, you know, I lost weight, I was looking good, feeling good, but that wasn't my primary goal. It was just more of a mental thing. Right? But I remember how I felt when I used to leave the gym. I was like, oh, I used to feel really, really good. And it became part of my life, and it made me feel good every single day. Every time I went, I felt great when I left and was like, Yo, I don't even do that anymore. Like I don't know if it was the pandemic. Well, I do know it was the pandemic because I used to go to the gym, but I remember everything kind of shut down and I remember I bought a treadmill from my house. So even now I just go on the treadmill workout real quick and I'll just do a little something and I just go but it doesn't compare to how I felt when I was in the gym for two, 3 hours of clearing my head. Like it's a big difference. So I'm like, you know what, I'm gonna finally take my therapist advice and I'm gonna start doing the things that used to make me feel really good. So that was one of the things. So I got my gym membership back, and I'm about to be in there heavy again. So that's one thing. We'll see how that goes. I'll keep you all updated or whatever.

So the next thing was, I don't know if you guys or how long you guys have been following me, but for the most part, I know a lot of you guys are listening. You guys have been around since I was heavy in the makeup game and I was a makeup artist, but it was more about it was more than just the business. I actually enjoy beauty products and makeup and playing and being artistic and being creative and trying new products and new product launches and getting excited about those things. And I stopped that. Honestly. Y'all, I can't tell you the last time I watched a YouTube makeup tutorial or went to Sephora and dropped a couple hundred dollars on some makeup I had been wanting for a couple of months, I haven't done that in like a couple of years, honestly. But that's something I used to do and I used to enjoy it. I used to be on all the email list, and if a new palette was dropping, I was the first one to buy it. If a new lipstick was dropping, I was the first one to buy like five, in case they discontinued them, I had a bunch of them. Like I stopped doing that. And like one of the things I used to do on Fridays after I got off work, whatever makeup I had bought for the week, I would pop some popcorn, get some wine, I would put on a YouTube makeup tutorial, and I would just play in makeup for like hours and it was like the best time. And then I would just play around my skincare that I bought, you know what I mean? Little things like that made me feel good. And again, I can't tell you the last time I did it, I don't know why I stopped.

Another thing which kind of goes with the makeup thing is I used to wear lashes. Like I used to be crazy about lashes and I stopped wearing lashes this year. I know, that's kind of superficial and it doesn't seem like it's a really big deal, but it was for me because it was something that was a part of my everyday life that made me feel good. And putting on a fresh pair of lashes just made me feel good. So on this past weekend, I did like a little mini photo shoot and I was like, you know what, I'm going to go get some lashes. I'm just going to put some lashes on to see how that felt. And I put those lashes on and it instantly lit my soul on fire. And I'm like, this is what my therapist was talking about. Like, again, it was just something really small, kind of superficial, but it was just something that took me back to the days when I was like, yo, I'm really happy and I'm content with these small little steps to get through my day. It was just something small, but it made me feel really pretty and it made me feel good in the moment, you know what I mean?

So again, just think back to a time when you were really, really happy and things were going great in your life and you were content and what were you doing on a daily basis that made you feel good? So that's my goal is to really sit down and think about where were some of those things along with what I just listed that made me feel really good and could give me like a boost of confidence or just a quick little pick me up. Because sometimes, you know, affirmations and things like that, I mean, they're cool, but you need a little something extra. I still do my affirmations. Right now my Affirmations are pretty much Megan Thee Stallion lyrics, but that's neither here nor there, but whatever gets you through the day, right? So, I mean, things like that, they make me feel better and I feel like I'm getting back to myself.

Slowly but surely I'm starting to feel it and it feels good. And I was talking to a couple of you guys on Facebook. I know some young ladies were underneath my post when I talked about this episode that was dropping and they were saying, yeah, I lost myself and it's really hard to get back. And I can so relate. I don't know why it's so hard. I don't know, it's just a rush of emotions. I know for me I kind of feel guilty. It's like a feeling of like I'm ashamed that I let myself get away from the things I enjoy, from how I dress or just how I talk or how I carry myself. I can feel a difference in what I used to do and what I'm doing now and just getting back to those things and back to those mannerisms or how I talk to people or how I vibe with people. It feels really good.

But I will say you do have to put in the effort, like you have to. And to those who I was talking to on Facebook who are experiencing this right now, trust me, you're not alone. It's a struggle. It's a struggle to go back to what you thought you lost and I'm working through it, it's hard, but again, you're not alone, okay? So just think back, it doesn't even have to be a lot, y'all, it could be something really small. Think back to when you were really happy and say, what did I used to do around that time when I felt really happy? If it's something like, listen, I used to go like for me, here's another thing, I live in Virginia, like close to the Virginia Beach area, but there's like a couple of beaches not far from where I live. I used to go out to the beach and just sit by the beach and read. Like that was just something I used to do all the time because it was just my thing and it was like a little pick me up because I used to love reading and that's another thing. I don't read like I used to. I used to read like two books a week and not just audible, I enjoy going to bookstores and libraries and checking out books and read physical books. I used to enjoy those things, I used to go to the library, I used to take my son, we went like every two weeks and got new books and we stopped doing that, I don't know how that stopped.

So I'm going to make a whole list of things that I used to do, including the things I just mentioned and I'm about to get back to all of those things and you all about to see me back in my bag, okay? Because I'm that chick and I had to remind myself real quick and I think you guys need to remind yourself too, whether you're that chick or you're that dude, sometimes you need a quick reminder. So this is your reminder. You're still her, you're still him, you just have to find her, you have to put in the effort, you have to say, listen, let me get back to me, it might be hard, but I'm willing to put in the work to get back, right? So that's what I've been thinking, y'all, again, that has been a little bit of a struggle, but it's getting better and I'm grateful. I'm allowing myself to feel whatever I need to feel. I'm giving myself some grace. Again, I did feel a little bit of shame and guilt from getting away from what I love to do and what I love about myself, but again, I'm extending myself some grace because I'm always giving other people grace is very hard to give myself grace, which might be another episode, I don't know, we'll see.

But yeah, so I hope you guys can feel me on this or you're dealing with this. Or maybe you know somebody who might be dealing with this. Definitely share this episode with them. I need you all to hop on Spotify. Give me a rating. Five star. I would definitely appreciate it. I would love that. Or on Apple podcast. I mean, you can go ahead and give me a five star review on there too, but definitely check out the website. I will leave all the links below. Again, share this with your friends, family. Share it on social media. I would really, really appreciate it. And I want to hear from you all. So I'm going to post this all over my social media. Definitely listen. Hop in the comments. Let me know what you think, okay? So I will check y'all in the next episode. Take care.

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